i feel like the school has given me the most absolute toughest students to teach. i keep hearing from them “all teachers get those kind of students”….but they have NOT had the problems i’ve had. either they’ve given me all the….learning disabled kids who haven’t been told they have the disability yet…..or…..the laziest fucking kids ever.

-i have a student who, if he isn’t crying in class, he’s puking somewhere.

-this student is also the one who’s most behind in phonics, not being able to sound out any vowels, thinks the letter A is pronounced “eh” and “k” is pronounced “kiz”, thinks “m” and “n” have the same sounds, still gets “d” and “b” mixed up…..and cannot read anything but color names (gets the most randomest fucking words from what he reads.. like “the” as “and”, “this” as “at”) but has to take the same exam as all the other students. 

-this exam is quite difficult. at the age of 4-5 these kids need to know:

…….how to spell every weekday, every month, all numbers/ordinal numbers, and colors
…….how to speak and write in complete sentences
…….when to use a/an and all predicates
…….all parts of speech…nouns, adverbs, adjectives, prepositions, etc. etc. (i had to RELEARN this shit while teaching them, i completely forgot all this stuff and which was what)
…….how to comprehend reading passages. SERIOUSLY? i don’t think i did reading comprehension until i was 11 years old and that was only because my parents wanted me to start prepping to be in like an AP english class in high school….which obviously never happened because i failed english 10 for skipping too much.
…….ALL the tenses: past, present, future, present perfect, blah blah etc.

   (as you can see….this shit is no joke for kindergarteners)

-i have a student who thinks HE’S always right, and i’m wrong. he argued with me for 10 minutes about the pronunciation of the word “the”…..he keeps saying “duh”. then he has the biggest attitude when i tell him to stop or i’ll call his mom, and starts writing everything illegibly just to piss me off. normally i could just erase it and make him write it again, but he’s figured out that if he presses hard enough with the pencil, you can still see the old writing even if you erase it.

-i have a student (7 years old) who genuinely tries, but is so slow that he can’t even comprehend korean correctly. if i ask him a “yes” or “no” question…he’ll repeat the question i asked about 4 times and i’ll never get an answer (it’s a simple question like….did you bring your homework?). i’m really not allowed to use korean when speaking to the students, because the boss wants it so that the students are forced to at least ATTEMPT to answer in english and talk to their friends in english….but for this kid, i have to use a little bit. i’ll say the same question to him except in korean…AND ALL HE’LL STILL DO IS REPEAT THE QUESTION IN KOREAN WITHOUT ANSWERING….it’s like he doesn’t know any languages at all except very broken english and lower than my level korean. 

-another student of mine is probably the weirdest kid i’ve ever encountered. not that he has no friends or anything, but his actions just completely baffle me. he’ll lie about the most stupidest things, and i can’t figure out why. the other day, i came into the classroom 10 minutes before the start of his class, and he was sitting there. i asked him when he came in, and he said “an hour ago”. i was freaking out, all “WTF” in my head because i thought someone didn’t give me the message that he changed his tutorial time, i had to ask him like 10 times if he really came an hour ago….so i go to the receptionist desk to ask when he came, and they said 5 minutes ago. i’ll ask him why he lied and told me that he came an hour before…you’d think a normal kid that’s lying would just laugh at the big joke but this kid just STARES AT ME NOT RESPONDING. today i asked him if he was getting picked up by his mother or taking the bus, and he said he was taking the bus. so i’m like getting him ready to put him on the bus, then the receptionist runs after me telling me that this kid told her his mom’s picking him up. and his mom arrives right then. i ask him again…why did you tell me you were taking the bus….he just gives me the SAME look not saying anything.
     his mother is another problem. this lady does all his homework for him, but still has the balls to come up to me before his classes and ask me how he’s doing in class. he’s obviously not learning shit in class because when we’re going over homework he has no idea why his answers are right and what the fuck his homework is asking from him….maybe it’s because his MOM does it. then she asks me….”is he the top of his class? because sometimes he comes home after class and cries because he feels like he’s not at the top of his class.” NO LADY. HE IS IN THE BOTTOM OF HIS CLASS BECAUSE YOURE FUCKING COVERING UP HIS SHIT AND DOING HIS HOMEWORK FOR HIM AND HE PROVES HE DOESNT KNOW SHIT IN CLASS. STOP DOING HIS DAMN HOMEWORK FOR HIM AND MAYBE HE’LL ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING. worst part is…i’m supposed to SIT HERE AND ACT LIKE I DONT KNOW SHE’S DOING HIS HOMEWORK. and because my boss is so obsessed with money, i had to change his report card 5 times (i orginally gave him 5 NIs (needs improvement) and was forced to change it to C’s and B’s so the boy wouldn’t quit since tuition at the school is ever so expensive). 

-last but not least, there IS one girl who falls into the shitlist of terrible students. she is 10 years old, but in the class of 3rd graders for tutorial (7-8 years old). and she knows absolutely nothing. my kindergarteners know more than her when it comes to writing.  i swear…she WriTes LikE THIs iN aLL heR pAPers. despite all the red markings in her prompts telling her to FIX HER CAPITALIZATION (especially!!!!) and grammar…she still writes the same shit. when i tell her she made the same mistake…she puts this fake shocked look on her face and goes “ahhh!” THIS GIRL CANT EVEN STOP PUTTING ^^*~ in her papers….ESSAYS ARE NOT TEXT MESSAGES TO YOUR FRIENDS DAMMNIITTTT. i’ve been trying to tell her, she is definitely not prepared for this class, that she needs to move to a lower level, but she cries and says she won’t because she’s already the oldest in this class, she doesn’t want to move into a level with even younger students. well my dear, you’re gonna keep getting F’s on all your papers and quizzes. 

and the reason these 5 students stress me out so damn bad is because, chances are, if they fail their examinations (every 3 months), their parents will think the school is not helping them and pull their kids out of the school. and if the students belong to me, my boss will kirk out on me because 5 students tuition = $9000 out the window, then shit will get deducted from MY paycheck because these kids either can’t or won’t improve. 

my other 12 students are complete angels. they try, they improve, they do well.. some of them are so cute, i’ll find random lollipops in my pockets and purses. i’ve even gained some leg muscle because they cling to my legs and force me to walk with them attached like monkeys and i’ll be working out and sweating all around the school. others wont stop texting and calling me, but i adore those kids. i hope everything works out.